that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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