I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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