He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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