Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
