Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
we have officially lost it.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I can't turn off my feet"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
