think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
