Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
