im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
