And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
