We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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