So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I still have a little drunk in my system
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
