Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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