So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
