I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
