3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
