I puked a lego.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
