Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Houston, we have a squirter
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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