Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
