Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
