Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
