in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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