Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
