She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
