yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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