everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
