Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
