Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
