something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
