I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
