were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
