Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
