If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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