I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
