it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
