you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We just shotgunned beers for America
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
