I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
now i know why i became what i already was.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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