who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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