youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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