So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
