doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
