Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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