I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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