Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
