i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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