Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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