If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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