I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Two words: nipple clamps
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