Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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