you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
