He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
