If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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