dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
