you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
