I cannot find my penis.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
