but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
