Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
